12 weeks....

Ok so ...Today I want to start from the beginning because let me just say--Today has been quite humerous. Now mind you, I had a crappy weekend. Anything that can break, broke..anything that could possibly go wrong did...it just was never-ending. I no longer have the beautiful engagment ring. Andrew took it back. Long story short the place we got it was just bogus. He got his money back..and we are getting the ring here from the jeweler who pointed out to me that it was made wrong. Moving on.....So middle of the night last night I do my ritual of gettin up 2-3 times to pee...I noticed that my head hurts. like BAD. I wake up..and its still bad...I proceed to take the headache pills the doc prescribed and I head out to PT. Mind you, Andrew left me today...I did good and didnt get emotional he will be back Friday and I can talk to him then. But I am finding now that I miss him more then I thought I would. I digress....So I get to PT and realize that I almost feel high...Im like. um WTF? my face is tingling. So We start to form up for our formation and I jsut feel light headed and pukey...next thing I know Im bolting to the building and proceed to dry heave and spend the rest of reville on the floor of my building until I got enough strength to stand up. So I go home, and saw screw PT. I shower, eat and proceed to my appt. Let me just say:: My Mid-wife...AMAZING I love her. And funny thing, I was so emotional today that I liked her so much I wanted to cry and hug her...She answers all my dumb questions. Finds the heartbeat...tells me sounds great...we talk some more...and then I tell her about my morning from hell. She looks in my file...OH wow. seems that Dr. dumb dumb prescribed me CODINE???!!! Yeah no wonder you felt high? You were drugged...so she gave me better meds. not so druggy. and by 5 this evening it was finally gone! After a long day of feeling disgusting...and a terrible headache I feel human again. I divulged in some amazing Ramen Noodles...my new craving...But I just want to say one thing....12 weeks...second trimester. Everyone told me how amazing how I would feel. Um...I FEEL LIKE CRAPPPPP??!! My face is oily, Im EMOTIONAL ....like you have no idea. I cried because the dog groomer didnt show up and never called me. I cried to "chasing that neon rainbow" by Brooks and Dunn....yeah the list goes on. And I want to cry right now because I miss Andrew....Ugh. Im a mess.

Took my stats tests today. And I am sure I bombed that. When we went in we were all expecting to use our notes. and um...NOPE no notes. how bout tears came to my eyes and I wanted to get up and walk out. Talk about a wuss right? Hope I dont fail. I might threaten the teachers life..haha..

now I realize what my poor andrew has to deal with...well thats it for now. Enjoy the ever growing bump. Whether it looks like that or not. It's only after a full pizza pie that my gut looks like that....

Mucho Updates

So First off: This past weekend Andrew took me on a "surprise" trip to Florida. We arrived to Ponte Vedra Beach and pulled up to the Lodge & Club. This place...was just amazing...Fancy as it can get...Our room had 2 balconies overlooking the beach. We laid and watched the waves while they sun went down. Our bathroom had a jacuzzi that I couldnt enjoy because I cannot allow my body to heat up too much so I was careful. Andrew then told me around 9 at night that he had a surprised...we had the fireplace on and he had me sit in front of it. And....long story short He proposed to me. Wow, it was just amazing...I cried my eyes out. The ring...as you can see is the most gorgeous ring ever. It is a ring that I imagine superstars having. It's a Verragio band and he made the ring!

Anyways...it was just a lovely weekend and I couldnt have asked for anything better!!! I am SO IN LOVEEEEE..:)

Well 10 weeks came and went...nothing to report other than me getting fat. I am 11 weeks now and dont really feel pregnant. Hungry all the time and sleepy but thats it! no complaints just that I wish I was still with Andrew ....that is all for now. My next appt is Next week so I am sure I will have much to write then.

9 weeks 2 days

"Theres almost nothing you could tell me to ease my mind....."

Great song lyric from my ultimate Fav jack johnson. That is how I feel right now. Past couple of days have been rather disheartening. Nothing in general other then the fact that I am proud of what I have accomplished....and then at the same time I am disappointed in my decision thus far in life. Divorced and Pregnant all before 23. I don't know...seems like I am so concerned with what everyone else thinks at times. I'm wondering when I will fully feel comfortable with everything that has happened in my life. But, i don't think I will feel like that until I have FULL support from the one I love. When he wavers with how he feels...i do the same. I am just at a loss right now. There is times when I can't even describe the loneliness I feel. I know there is SO many people that would be here in a second but its different...I don't want anyone here. I would rather wallow in my own depression. If someone asked me right now WHAT DO I WANT ....where do I want to go....what do I want to do....I don't even think I could answer it. Even if my wish would be granted. I don't think I saw the reality of my situation until this weekend and now it's hitting me...and it's hitting me hard.

I have noticed lately Andrew acting werid about things especially our vacation. One day we are planning it for beginning of june and now he said that last weeks of June. and then he says that he doesn't really want to do it. Well what is it? I'm at the point where I dont care anymore. There's this amazing song by David Gray--He sings " This years love" ...its one of those heart wrenching songs that really just make you think. and its' got me thinking and right about now I just don't want to be alone anymore. Anyways...how am I feeling. Dry heaves come and go with certain smells. Today I felt good...had a little headache come and go on it's own in the afternoon. I am very tired as usual...nothing new really on all that. It's all more mental for right now. Ugh..Something needs to give at some point....something needs to go MY WAY for once in my life. Please....
I know somewhere along the way I have done something to earn it. come on...just this once.

8wks 2days!! First Ultrasound

So first of all:: The due dates and how far along may be a little wacky right now and I blame that on my weirdo doctor. Today he said I am 8wks and 2days. Due October 12th. and I said ok....got it. whateverrrrrr

So where do I want to start. So last night...crazy dreams all night long. Last night I headed to bed about as sick as they come. Headaches that wont give up...just feeling overall SHITTY. I dream about being in Iraq driving through water up to the top of vehicles and what not. A few dreams about babies here and there and then finally my alarm goes off and I couldnt be any happier :) Happy Birthday NANI! and......my appointment is this morning...yippie. So I actually lay in bed and talk to Andrew for a few then get up and go to PT. Windchill this morning made it feel about 20 so PT was at the gym today i was thankful for this so I could dip out early. I ran home, got ready and went to pick up Lindsay. Of course Lindsay like her usual self was documenting each step play by play...and inside my stomach was just turning...So we show up I get called in and I have the most senial weird old lady who actually gets the nerve to ask me "are you even pregnant"...UM...yes bitch. why the fuck do you think I am here!!! no. I did not say this but I wanted to. Then she made a comment about how we did not see the heartbeat at 4 weeks. And my heart stopped...Um ok so I dont even work here and I know that you wont see the baby at 4 weeks. Next nurse PLEASE! so she weighs me...I have gained no weight. yay for this...go into the room ...take the draws off and linds begins the photo op again. Yay linds take a pic of me with a piece of paper covering the goods! Doctor comes in and of course...does not remember me...congrats! yay thanks doc but you and I met like 4 weeks ago...yup remember me? I bet the job becomes so montanous..( spelling?) that if you have seen one vagina you have seen them all right?...poor guy.

Anyways he tells me to lay back, spread em...and I mean..he doesnt play. takes the cold ass probe and boom...before I know it Im looking at this little bean on the screen..." now theres the head...theres the umbillcal cord....." I'm getting the little tour around my uterus but Im not paying any attention all I see is this HUGE bean that I was expecting to be a little speck. Yay this thing is way bigger then I ever imagined. So finally I clue back in on what is happening and hear him mention the heartbeat...so he zooms in on it...and for like 5 seconds I caught myself mouth breathing and in a full on smile. I guess its one of those re-defying moments where you are like...Wow. I made that? He said heartbeat was good..and that was good enough for me. He said that everything looked great...moved it around a bit more for my own viewing pleasure and printed out 7 pics and called it good. Took some blood, made me want to pass out and next thing I know...the past 4 weeks that I have waited rushed away were over...and now..I wait for another 4 hahahaha!

In the photo the head is on the left...the cord you can kinda see is on the right going up. I think its the cutest bean I have ever seen! haha. so that was my day. I am really gassy in case you were wondering. umm cramping here and there. and my next appt is March 30th. We will hear the heartbeat everytime but will not do an ultrasound. he said around 18 weeks he will start the screening for the anatomy and to find out the sex of the baby :)))))))) even though I know its gonna be a little girl. I can feel it.

alright that is all folks. enjoy.